1) My colleague P told me of an utterly cringeful moment she had with the security guard in our building. She had arrived at work very early and was unable to get onto our floor using her swipe card. She ended up having to go back down to get the security guard - a quiet bloke who looks like he might be West African. He was fiddling around with the door and she filled the silence with some random chater. Unfortunately she came out with "gosh, I don't know why It's not working. Perhaps I've done something wrong and now God doesn't want to let me in". To her mortification the security guard responded "Ah, nobody speaks of God any more! What church do you go to, Sister?". She stuttered something about being new to London and not really having a regular church (she's not religious at all). But he persisted and she ended up having to admit that she was just speaking flippantly. Ouch.
2) Mum was on a train waiting to depart from Liverpool Street. A world-weary Northern voice comes over the PA - it's the driver, and he's making a rather defeated-sounding announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that our departure will be delayed by a few minutes". Then, almost immediately after, he comes on again: "Ladies and Gentlemen I've just heard that in fact we're allowed to go. Amazing. First time in twenty four years I've got away on time from Liverpool Street. I feel so proud ... [pause] ... I've got a tear coming." Genius.